One of the hardest things in life is knowing when to let go and simply go with the flow. When you must loosen your grip on the outcome(s) and relax, because you’ve done everything that you could have done in and for the situation, and the rest is outside of your control.
As an adult, it’s especially hard. Life can seem to throw you more than your fair share of challenges, obstacles, and the unknowns. It can make you feel like a failure as both a person and an adult, if you don’t have everything worked out. So you plan, prepare, and keep options open.
Sometimes though, all the mitigation planning in the world doesn’t help. Sometimes you need to pivot in ways that you didn’t imagine; And sometimes, you just need to let go, sit back, and wait. Easier said than done.
The inability to control an outcome to our favour, seems to be one of the biggest causes of stress, discomfort and anxiety. We are conditioned to think that if we are not in control of our circumstances, or if we have not put in enough effort to have the right backup plans in place, that we have somehow failed as a person and as a functioning member of society. Whether in a workplace setting or a personal relationship setting, this can be especially harmful and have monumental consequences. But again, some things are out of our control.
And let’s be honest. If we were to plan for EVERY possible outcome, we would spend so much of our time planning and preparing, that we would not have any time left to live and enjoy what we have in front of us. That’s the biggest issue. Where is the balance? What is the “right” balance?
Unfortunately there isn’t just one answer, because it really does depend on the person and the circumstances. Understanding that you can’t control everything, is a good place to start. Knowing that you’ve done the best that you can for the situation(s) at hand, are the best that you can do. And listening to your inner voice, your inner compass, which is actually your heart and NOT your brain, can be the best thing that you can possibly do.
Our brains are wired for survival, and that can be to the detriment of everything else. Let me add some science into it, to help with the explanation, and break it into sections, for ease of reading.
The Biological Dissonance of Control
When we are in "planning mode," our prefrontal cortex is working overtime. It’s trying to solve a puzzle where the pieces are constantly moving. This creates a high-beta brainwave state - a frequency of hyper-focus and, eventually, hyper-vigilance.
Our survivor-brain views "waiting" as a threat. To the amygdala, an unknown outcome is a predator in the bushes. So it sends out a broadcast of cortisol, telling us to do more, plan more, grip tighter. We call this "being responsible," but somatically, it’s a state of chronic contraction.
In the corporate world, we reward this contraction. We call it "due diligence." But as I’ve seen in countless million-dollar integrations, you cannot "plan" your way into a creative solution or a resonant relationship. You can only plan your way into a rigid one.
When we refuse to loosen our grip, we create a Systemic Dissonance. We stop being the "Navigator" and start being the "Interference."
The Heart as the Primary Oscillator
This is where we look toward the heart, not as a metaphor for "feelings," but as a biological powerhouse. As Paul Pearsall explored in The Heart’s Code, the heart’s electromagnetic field is sixty times greater than the brain's. It is our primary oscillator.
While the brain is busy scanning for what could go wrong, the heart is sensing what is aligned.
When we "let go and sit back," we aren't being passive. We are shifting our primary operating system. We are moving from the chaotic, survival-based frequency of the head to the coherent, intuitive frequency of the heart. This is what I call the Laminar Flow of Leadership.
In this state, you aren't ignoring the problem, but rather allowing the "static" to clear so that the actual path, your True North, can become visible.
The Practice of Productive Waiting
So, how do we find that balance you asked about? How do we know when we’ve done "enough"? The answer isn't in a spreadsheet. It’s in your body.
The Grip: Notice the physical sensation of "trying to work it out." Is your chest tight? Are your shoulders up? That is the frequency of the Survivor-Head.
The Release: Take a breath into the centre of your chest. Imagine your heart as a tuning fork, finding its baseline.
When you have done the logical work (the prep, the options, the groundwork) and you still feel that "buzzing" urge to control, that is your signal to stop. (I know this is hard to do!)
Waiting is not a lack of action. Waiting is an Action of Trust. It is the recognition that you have provided the architecture, and now you must allow the "life" to inhabit it. Whether it's waiting for a house to appear, a child to find their way, or a career pivot to manifest, the frequency of "Trusting Wait" is infinitely more powerful than the frequency of "Anxious Doing."
Returning to the Compass
As adults, we are terrified of being "lost." But sometimes, being lost is just the moment before the compass recalibrates.
If you find yourself today gripping the wheel so tight your knuckles are white, I invite you to simply open your hands. Sit back. Breathe into the space where your heart lives.
You’ve done the work. You’ve laid the tracks. Now, let the train arrive in its own time. (Worrying about it isn't going to make it come any faster.) Your True North isn't a destination you force yourself into - it’s a frequency you align with.
Sometimes, the most "productive" (and hardest) thing you can do is absolutely nothing at all.
Reflection Prompt:
Where in your life are you currently trying to "out-plan" a situation that simply needs your presence? What would happen if you traded your grip for your breath just for today?
And if this is your year to live more somatically, to make decisions from your body instead of your fear, to honour what is real instead of what is expected, then welcome. You’re right on time.