Allowing the feminine

For the first time in, well, I honestly can't remember when, I desperately want to wear a dress. For the first time in a long time, I woke up this morning and I feel the unshakeable urge to embrace the femininity in me, and just be pretty and delicate and all things girly. And that's a pretty big shift in someone who has never, in all her life, been really girly girly. I've never been one for lace and frills. I've never been one to sit pretty and quiet in a corner, and I've never been one to keep my mouth shut and only smile and nod. I've never been the one to sit around and wait my turn. The most outwardly feminine thing you'll get from me is a pair of stilettoes (which I personally think can double up as a weapon when needed) and a handbag.

Because I'm the one who'll kick off her heels to climb a tree or scale a fence. I'm the one who runs ahead and chases what I want. I'm the one that walks fast and doesn't take dainty steps. I'm the one who does all the planning and thinking and prepping. I'm the one who calls out the bullshit and will say it to your face. I'm the one who chooses to wear pants with a suit and a crisp buttoned shirt, because it's more practical.

And none of that is considered feminine; But all of it is done because it's never been safe for me to be a feminine woman. It's never been safe to let the soft woman in me out. And that's crazy in a society where we supposedly embrace people for who they choose to be (i.e. the pronouns and the like). But it is the reality.

Let's unpack this a bit more...

• Climbs a tree: I've never been one to back down from a dare, so yes, I'll climb a tree if you ask me to. Why? Because the little girl is me is proving to all the boys, that girls can do it too, and even if I walk away with a mountain of scrapes and scratches, I'll make a point of doing it better than a boy. Because that's much better than being told that I can't because I'm a girl... because that "just a girl" statement insinuates that I'm weak, that I need protection, and I'm incapable, amongst other things. So if I'm wearing a skirt, I'll be hitching it up and climbing that damn tree just to prove a point.

• Runs ahead and chases: Sitting around and waiting for things to happen is just a waste of my time. If I want to dance, I'm going to go dance; I'm not going to wait for someone to ask me, because what if that just never happens? Why take the risk when I'm completely capable of doing it myself? Why sit in the passenger seat when I can be the driver? I'd much rather be in control of where I'm going because there's been too many times when I've tried sitting back, and I've had a completely incompetent person behind the wheel, and I've been led straight off the garden path into hell itself. No thanks. I'll take control.

• Walks fast: Dainty little steps... why bother? It looks so indecisive. I have no issues walking in high heels so why should I pretend like I do? And really, clothing isn't made like it used to be for women, so it's definitely not constricting and making me take tiny steps. Not to mention that I have places to go and things to do, and time's a ticking! And honestly, why make it look like I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going? In other words, why walk when you can strut?

• Plans and preps: Even before I became a single mother, I learnt that if you don't do all the planning, thinking and prepping yourself, you're putting in the hands of someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart - also known as the incompetent fool who probably also has trouble dressing themselves in the morning. No thank you. I'd rather do it myself and if I get it wrong, I have no one to blame but myself. I'm not about to sit back and watch someone else stuff up something that I know I could have done better myself.

• Calls it out: Watch any old movie or read a Jane Austen novel and you'll see how women, specifically ladies, are supposed to behave in public. We're never supposed to speak our mind or call out any wrongs. We're supposed to just sit pretty and let it slide, because heaven forbid we're rude. Well keeping my mouth shut never did me any good, and I'd rather just tell you when you're doing something stupid or acting like a fool. Chances are, I'm not going to say it with too much grace either, because if I did, I'd likely be misunderstood by the level of intelligence I'm calling out. So I'll just say it straight and make it clear. I'd rather be yelled at for speaking my mind than for being quiet and not doing or saying anything.

• Wears the pants: For practical reasons, I usually opt to wear pants when I'm wearing a suit. It has partly been to "fit in" in a sea of men in the corporate world, but it's also been so that I'm taken seriously. (Yes, this is still a thing.) Adopting a more masculine dress code cuts through a lot of the unconscious bullshit and seems to enable the male species to see me as a competent colleague rather than a piece of meat. I'm there to work, not to be ogled. And quite frankly it's ridiculous that I can't wear something soft and pretty without drawing unwanted attention (which can sometimes be aggressive).

So with all of that said, let me repeat what I said before: It's never been safe for me to be feminine. I can't be soft and pretty and delicate if it's not safe to do so. I can't be vulnerable if being vulnerable equates to having others take advantage of me. I can't let my guard down if there is a chance of a fight at any moment and there's no one to protect me but me. I can't be feminine if there's nothing solid and safe around me.

But this morning, something's changed in my world; There's been a slight shift. For the first time in I can't remember when, I feel safe to let my guard down a little bit. I feel safe to let a little bit of the lady in me to be out in the open... I feel safe to hand the reigns over and know that I'm not going to be sitting in a ditch within the hour. And all of that is pretty amazing.

So, to all the men reading this: What is it that you can do in your life, to be more masculine and to really take the lead? What can you do in your life, to make the women around you, feel safe? Is there another guy's bullshit that you need to call out? Is it your own?

And to all the women reading this: What changes need to happen in your life so that you can embrace your femininity? Where is it safe for you to step back and let a man lead? And if there isn't anywhere, where do you need to go to find it?